Julie Powell: If it’s not a party ’til something gets broke…

Then I guess it’s a party.

Someone who’s managed to get drunker than me knocked down a spectacular pile of glasses. It was a miracle no one lost an eye. The poor waiter who instantly arrived to clean up was chastised by a guest with an orange tan for not instantly corralling every last sliver of glass with his bare hands.

I love that even surrounded by wonderful food people and wonderful pork products and Jacques Pépin, I can find at least on person to hate. Yay!

Julie Powell: Dodging elbows

I can hold my egg-topped scrapple or my martini or my iPhone, not all three.

(Also, damn but these people have some sharp elbows.)

Julie Powell: Blessed, blessed event!

My first bit of real sustenance was lamb garlic sausage from the Prairie Grass Café. The second was my beloved fried squash blossoms. My third was pork belly. The blessed fourth? A pomegranate martini.

And you will see none of it because live blogging killed my iPhone.

Julie Powell: Another crush

The entire world is live blogging the beard awards, apparently. There’s like dozens of lit up cell phone screens in the auditorium.

The woman who won for best photography book is lean and elegant and very French, and she just thanked her wife. I have another crush.

Oh, and the river cottage meat book won! My bestest favorite!

Julie Powell: At last!

At last, sustenance! I am allowed a square of cheese… Two! Thank you Wisconsin Artisanal Cheeses, thank you!

Julie Powell: Waiting patiently for a drink

… Except no, because apparently live-bloggers don’t rate booze before 9. Some people are drinking though. They must be much more fancy-pants than me.

Julie Powell: Half way there

The natives are getting restless… The ceremony is a little more than half over, and the sound of clacking cocktail shakers is ringing through the summer air. Outside is also where the smoking chefs and the bobbleheaded girls who will NOT be eating Berkshire prosciutto I plan to soon be downing by the pound. I think I will have a bourbon.

Julie Powell: Julie & Jacques

Jacques Pepin is introducing Paula Wolfert, who’s getting inducted into the cookbook hall of fame. She seems lovely and amazing, but I’m obsessing about my crush on Jacques. I have never met him, but in my own private Idaho, he finds me fascinating.

Julie Powell: No surprises here

Well, that was no surprise. David Chang as best chef, NYC. I still can’t get into his restaurant.

He said he is shocked and humbled. I strongly doubt that. And why should he be?

Julie Powell: Michelle Bernstein cuteness

So I’m sitting in the corner reserved for live-bloggers, among the stacks of extra chairs, waiting for damned iPhone to recharge – the battery lasts like 45 minutes (Steve Jobs can bite me) – and witness Michelle Bernstein, fresh offstage from winning her Best Chef, South award, tearily talking to her family on her cell phone: “I’m not an asshole! I didn’t think I’d win!”

So very, very adorable.